G.I. Joe: Fun For Fun's Sake

Be prepared: a lot of critics, bloggers, mainstream media mouthpieces, and in short, nerds, all over the world are going to unleash a deluge of hate on the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra. It's probably already begun, as I sit here at 3 a.m. after a midnight showing of the film. Like we saw with Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen, all it takes is a few geeks whining about plot holes to spark an inferno of bad press.

The thing is, G.I. Joe is a fun movie. Plain and simple. I laughed at the cheesy lines. I gawked at the crazy, over-the-top, no-way-a-human-being-can-do-that special effects. I even swooned more than once when The Baroness sashayed across the screen. Yowza, Sienna Miller with dark hair and glasses. Nerds everywhere are freaking out right now. And I might just be one of them.

Here's the thing: this movie is unbelievably unrealistic. Gravity may or may not apply in the world of "the not too distant future" where this movie is set. Physics, biochemistry, metalurgy... I'm pretty sure dweebs everywhere are already finding and bemoaning all the inaccuracies.

I'd just like to say one thing to them: who freaking cares? I don't go to an action movie to see things that could happen. If I wanted to see action that is realistic, I'd just watch my own life. (Boo yah nerds! Take that! My life has more action in one day than yours does all year! What. Up.)

*Ahem* And now back to the movie.

I like how the movie unfolded... they didn't give us all the background info on all the characters all at the same time. They used some flashbacks here and there to give us the idea, and to set up those pesky plot elements of motive and... basically, why the people we're watching are doing what they're doing. Just so you know going in, and this isn't a big spoiler because apparently it's mostly true from the cartoon series, pretty much every character is intertwined with at least one other character in some significant way. Except maybe Arnold Vosloo... but you'll just have to figure that one out for yourself.

That's another good thing about the movie: they stayed true to the cartoon/toys, but didn't push the history on you if you aren't a huge nerd and know the backstory of every obscure action figure ever made. They had a lot of recognizable characters if you had the toys as a kid (and if you have a Y chromosome, you better have had at least one): Duke, Ripcord, Heavy Duty, Hawk, Scarlett, The Baroness, Destro, and of course, Cobra Commander. Oh, and we can't leave out my favorites, Snake Eyes:

and Storm Shadow:

...who really could have had their own movie and it would have been pretty great. You can walk into this movie after living in a cave for your whole life and still understand what's going on, and probably enjoy yourself. Although if I had been living in a cave my whole life, the first thing I'd want would probably be a shower and/or a toothbrush.

The point is, G.I. Joe does exactly what it's supposed to do... if you let it. It's a fun movie set in a fantastic world of crazy things like suits that make you all but invincible and hot women who are somehow awesome at fighting despite wearing high heels and gallons of eye makeup. The character development is just right -- not too shallow, not too deep. You get to know them, you start to care a little bit about them because you see their humanity, but you don't get bogged down by too much weepy stuff or have to be subject to the horrible dramatic acting of Channing Tatum (for more than a few seconds, anyway).

The story makes a reasonable amount of sense, given the nonsensical world in which it takes places, and it keeps moving with all the requisite twists and turns necessary to be interesting, but not confusing. The bad guys are sufficiently bad, and the good guys are pretty great without being sappy or goody-two-shoes.

In short, G.I. Joe is going to get a bad rap just because it's not Spiderman, or The Dark Knight, or even Watchmen. It's a shame, because G.I. Joe is fun, it's action-packed, and you may even catch a cheap laugh or two (by trying to pronounce the Celtic word they use to fire the voice-activated rockets, for example). The only thing this movie does wrong is take some liberties with the laws of science -- but isn't that why we go to movies in the first place?

So... I recommend that you go see G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra if you get the chance. It's rated PG-13, "for strong sequences of action violence and mayhem throughout." They drop the "s" word towards the end, but other than that, I honestly can't recall very much swearing. All the use of hypodermic needles isn't exactly kosher with the squeamish among us, but even that isn't the worst use of syringes we've seen this movie season (I'm looking at you, Wolverine).

Take a date, grab some popcorn, and leave your stuck-up obsession with reality at the door... and enjoy G.I. Joe. Now you know... and knowing is half the battle.